Foundations for a Lifelong Sikh Matrimony

Key Principles

A solid foundation for a lifelong Sikh Matrimony can be built if certain key principles are practised by those in a Sikh marriage, whether they are Amritdhari or non Amritdhari. The Key principles are:

Commitment

We live in an age where the emphasis is on individual rights, personal freedom and total independence. Dedication to another person or loyalty to a relationship means giving these up, as it is not possible to have it both ways. However, this does not mean giving up all your freedom, but it does mean your commitment to the relationship has to supersede your individual rights.

Commitment means putting your Sikh Amritdhari or non-Amritdhari Bride or Groom's needs above your own. Studies have shown that the best indicator of a happy marriage is how well each partner feels his or her needs are being met.

Open and Honest Communication

Clear communication by both Sikh partners is extremely important in matrimony. Without communication, a relationship will die. This does not mean just exchanging information. It is about sharing each other's feelings, joys and hurts, which is not easy as men and women are different in this respect. Research has shown that women have greater linguistic abilities than men, and so are better at expressing their feelings and thoughts. Men are generally unwilling to reveal their feelings. Therefore, the Sikh partners should reserve time for having meaningful conversations, for example, going for walks together or going out for dinner, as such activities help induce conversation and keep the relationship alive.

Open and honest communication is an expectation of both Sikh partners. The Amritdhari and non-Amritdhari Sikh Bride or Groom must learn the art of speaking in a manner that the other can understand. Each must learn to actively listen with a heart to understand the other.

Patience

We live in a world where everything happens instantly, such as computer access to information or communication all over the world via direct dial. However, relationships do not work that way. Marriage takes time and care, and that means learning patience.

When two people are put under the same roof, there will be irritations and annoyances and patience is needed for the long haul and to wait for things to evolve. It can take years for the development of the kind of relationship that is satisfying to both Sikh partners. Those Sikh Brides and Grooms who have learnt the art of patience will have a fantastic lifelong marriage.

Strong Beliefs

Research shows that partners with strong religious beliefs are far more likely to stay together than those without them. It's the shared morals and values that hold a Sikh Bride and Groom together. This solid foundation is a fortress against the storms of difficulties in your life. A strong marriage is having faith in one another as well as the Gurbani and together the Sikh Bride and Groom can get through the difficult times with understanding, compassion and compromise. Many of the answers can be found within the Gurbani.

Good Relationship with In-Laws

It is a fact that marriages bring two families together. A good relationship with the In-Laws can help support the Amritdhari and non-Amritdhari Sikh partners during difficult times. However, if the relationship with the In-Laws is strained, this can cause undue stress to the Sikh couple and can sometimes become unbearable and lead to a breakdown of their marriage.

Trust

Trust is an important factor in a marriage. It is gained and increases over time with trustworthy actions. Trust is not automatic. Building trust requires thoughtful actions with efforts and care. It takes time to build and can be lost instantly with just one thoughtless action. The Sikh Bride and Groom should make every effort to honour each other with trustworthy actions.

Family Commitment

Even if there are no children in the marriage, as a couple in a Sikh matrimony you are a family and there must be commitment to this family unit. As partners in a Sikh marriage, your actions need to communicate the commitment that nothing and no one will come between the two of you.